So I'm expired with eHarmony. My favorite Bachelor #2 is MIA. A hopeful Bachelor #3, whom I nicknamed the Urban Redneck, has devotedly texted me for more than a month of mornings with increasingly "ewww" messages (e.g. Have a SUPERlicious day!) that are very sweet, but just not my flavor. After too much life and too much work and too many reschedules of our first "let's get drinks" (all but one my fault) arrangements, I decided I had to cut him loose. I know he's not right for me (I present: SUPERlicious, gages in his ears, and a midlife infatuation with tats) and while I'm trying to be open-m ...

Tonite's the nite. I'm going to lose my eHarmony virginity. I am mere minutes away from meeting my first eHarmony match in person for a dinner date. The excitement! The anticipation! The dread... Actually, I'm not really dreading it at all (except that it's one more nite playing instead of working on my upcoming move--but maybe that means I'm just dreading all the extra work that will be waiting for me tomorrow rather than dreading the date itself). You might be wondering, "Is this lucky fella one of those aforementioned gun enthusiasts?" I think you know the answer to that! He is ...

I didn't get married expecting to see the end of my sex life. Seeing as I was four months pregnant when rings and vows were exchanged, sex was not the part of married life that I was worried about. I felt that we pretty much had that part handled, and we knew it worked--for both procreative and pleasurable purposes.Throughout the remainder of my pregnancy things were still good. Very good, in fact. It's liberating to have pregnant sex--one of your biggest worries about the consequences of carnal pleasure has already played out--so ENJOY! However, so many of the things that later went wrong end ...

I used to be a cold-hearted witch. Nothing could get to me. Not a Hallmark or reach-out-and-touch-someone commercial. Not a sappy movie. Certainly not anything anyone else could do to me. Nothing. I was bulletproof.Then I had a baby. And damned if that didn't turn me into one big, post-natal, totally wimpy baby.I was sitting in the recliner in my mother's basement one afternoon, nursing Savannah and watching PBS. There was a show on about a mama lion and her adorable, little lion cubs. They were romping and rolling about--just like kittens--when their whole world (and my momentary, new-mother ...

(If I was a filmmaker, this would be a montage...trust me)I am trapped by the incessant narrative dancing across my brain. Sometimes I fight to suppress, strangle and suffocate the monologue. I always lose. Why do I resist putting pen to paper, fingertip to keyboard, voice to thought?Because sometimes it is sad or afraid or irrelevant or ridiculous. O well.Saturdays are often the perfect excuse to stay under the covers, eat terribly fattening foods and watch Lifetime movies.I grind my teeth. A lot. People can hear it over the phone...I'm doing it right now.Watching a PG-13, wide-release ...

Tonite I completely and deliberately broke my Lenten fast of wine.For some reason today was the day that broke the camel's back.I am not known (even by those who love me) as the most consistently stable and even-keeled girl out there. However, most agree that I (along with wine) tend to get better with age. Nonetheless, I certainly have my moments.My path has been treading between rampant rebellion and delirious devotion: falling somewhere between Juno and Junebug. (google it!)Every day I see myself in the mirror and think, "You're almost forty." 'Almost forty' gives me pause. Anxiety. E ...